Neptune, Shake Not Thy Gory Locks at Us

In the parking lot of a Texas H.E.B. supermarket. The kids don't believe the B stands for "Butt." But it does.

Cashing in Marriott points and United miles, the Clarks of New Jersey ventured to San Antonio for an historic weekend in Texas.

River walk? Check. Alamo? Check. Haunted Menger Hotel with cool-but-ridiculously-expensive-toy-soldier store? Check. Mexican restaurant? Check.

Schlitterbahn water park? 

Well, that last one brings our blog to one of the greatest decisions in the history of Clark family vacations. The Schlitterbahn is, of course, the fourteen-time honoree of Water Fun Magazine's "Best Water park in the World" award. Miles of slides, acres of pools, river rides, surfing simulators, fountains and sprinklers, all built by German engineers to maximize slippery pleasure. 

At Denny's, Dad told the staff that we were heading to Schlitterbahn. All the waitresses were excited, and a little jealous. Everyone assured us we would have a wonderful day. "Your kids will be tired after all that fun," was the common refrain. I cannot remember for sure, but I think the staff of Denny's and some customers waved to us as we pulled out of the restaurant parking lot. I can't be sure, but I seem to remember them shouting: "You'll have a great time at Schlitterbahn, for sure!"

Along the highway, the billboards advertised "Schlitterbahn: It's more than a water park."

"This is the going to be great," Dad said. "I've always wanted to go to Schlitterbahn, ever since I saw that water-park documentary on TV."

Anticipation swelled like an artificial, German-engineered wave in a 20-acre pool. And then, finally, we saw the first skyscraper of a water slide in the distance. We had arrived. After a 35-minute drive from our hotel, we had arrived.

And this is where all four of us -- Mom, Dad and two kids -- began to gather and analyze visual cues that led to our fateful decision. The first sign that something was amiss was the sighting of two women, walking in bathing suits, about a half-mile from the park entrance. Where are they going? Then we saw a few people walking on the side of the road. And then more, and then a long line of people. 

They were all carrying huge inner tubes. Why are they not in the water?

We drove close to the park where a four-story slide had about 8 stories worth of people jammed on ladders waiting for their turn. The line appeared not to move. We drove past the "LOT FULL" sign. We saw a huge open-air bus full of swimmers.

Where are they going? Why are they not inside the park, enjoying the cool water under the hot Texas sun. It's 100 degrees outside? This is no day to be riding a bus too and fro.

We pass another "LOT FULL" sign. We pass another water slide, this one taller and more crowded than the first.

We drive farther. More busses from all kinds of directions. People walking around like ants in the steamy jungle, carrying inner tubes. We see a line of people waiting to get on a bus. The line was like a Newark "Liberty" International Airport TSA line that snakes back and forth through a maze. Why do they want to get on a bus? 

We received directions to additional parking. "Kids," Dad coached the witnesses. "What do you think of this place? This doesn't look fun to me." 

No answer. Outside, more families were walking slowly in the heat. Perhaps they have traveled great distances to be here. But why are they not in the water? It's 2 p.m. I've seen a thousand park visitors, gypsies and refugees, and I haven't seen anyone having fun in the water. 

We followed a line of minivans and SUVs packed with hopeful families to a satellite parking area down a winding road, farther and farther from Schlittenbahn. Where are we? Amid all these unanswered questions, the two kids share their thoughts. 

LIttle Natalie: "Can we go back to the hotel?" 

Little Theo: "Yeah. Let's go swimming in the hotel pool."

"Mom," says Dad, "chart a course for the Fairfield Inn. We're going home."

Best. Decision. Ever. We stopped at the H.E.B. on the way home, and we all agreed that we like Wegman's better.

                               

Thinking of you, from Cebu

The Creature from the Cebu Strait

One of the few disappointments of the Great 2013 Clark Family Trip to the Philippines was Casey's inability to find a pick-up basketball game. The Talisay court was under construction. Added to his nightly prayers is a request for the speedy and successful completion of a high-quality basketball court that welcomes American players.

Another disappointment was the separation of the family at some beautiful resorts! The photos from Cebu were incredible, including this one of a rare aquatic life form that dwells in the Cebu Strait. Margie took this photo while staying at the Cebu Shangri La Hotel. 

Theo, Natalie and Margie, along with Ninang Beng and little Erin enjoyed the layout, but poor Casey was back in New York with his nose to the sawmill. 

The Clarks of Arabia

Thanks to Miss Margie's worldwide connections, the Clarks of New Jersey (with the exception of Casey) visited Dubai at the tail end of the great family trip to the Philippines. One of the highlights was a visit to the top of the world's tallest tower, the Burj Khalifa, measuring 2,716 feet and six inches from top to bottom. Whether the building actually "belongs to the world," as they say in the United Arab Emirates, is a matter of opinion, but the family seemed to enjoy the views. 

Here was Theo's report from Dubai: "In the Philippines, it was so hot that you didn't want to go outside. In Dubai, it was so hot that you couldn't go outside."
Traveling through Dubai is an indoor activity. 

Judging from the pictures, the malls, the airports and the vertical cities were very impressive in oil-rich Dubai -- a nice balance to the wealth of natural beauty the family enjoyed in the Philippines. 

Margie, Theo and Natalie looking out over Dubai from the world's tallest tower.

A thousand twangling instruments

The rain was supposed to fall. It was predicted to fall, and it looked as if it would fall. But it held off, thus giving friends of Rosa de Leon Gardiola a glorious day to celebrate her 80th birthday.

Crews of workers and caterers created a side-yard party space with seating for about 60 in classy yellow-and-white-draped tables. The caterers, about ten in all, invaded at about 9:00 a.m., setting up positions at the buffet line, and establishing a dish washing station behind a curtain in the corner of the yard. Two employees, probably those with the least seniority, worked this station full time. 

A quick regression: the night before Inay's party, the neighbor across the street blared his karaoke machine at full blast from about 4 p.m. to exactly 15 minutes past midnight. The author embraces a to-each-their-own attitude when it comes to neighbors, especially neighbors in foreign countries. But this guy was out of control, screeching power ballads, disco hits and songs from various local artists. In the author's mind, revenge and retaliation were considered, and rejected by the slimmest margin.

Now back to Inay's party. It's 10 a.m., and who now comes carrying huge karaoke speakers from across the street? The same neighbor! As the French race car driver from Talladega Nights says: "Now the matador dances with the blind shoemaker."  

At about noon, the bar was officially open (cold San Miguel's in the indoor fridge, and black label in the corner with Margie's colorful cousins, a group led by Kuyas June, Joseph and Boy). Father Ricky got things going with "You are my Sunshine." The author followed with a tasteful "Lay, Lady, Lay," and things advanced or deteriorated, depending on one's point of view, from there. 

In the sober morning, it's clear that three award winners from the Karaoke slam were: 

• Honorable mention: Cuya Boy -- not talented vocally, but he put his heart into it, and he was generous with cigarettes.

• Runner-up: Bart Barretto -- our own mini-Arnel Pineda. Fueled by San Miguel, our beloved brother-in-law powered through several classics late in the afternoon.

• Champion: The guy who looked like Pacquio. He sat there quietly with his young family for most of the morning and early afternoon, but when he stepped up to the microphone and selected U2's "With or Without You" the field took notice. And when he turned loose his pipes, the very ground seemed to shake, and a thousand twangling instruments hummed about our ears.

Also, the food was delicious, and all the guests were fantastic, warm and friendly -- even the guy who seemed to sneak in and sat by himself the whole time. 

Inay's house, transformed.

The author sings: "Girl, You'll be a Woman Soon." Father Rickey at right.

At Pico de Loro in Batangas Province

Our beloved cousin Gillian, at the hotel lobby.

Here we are today waking up at Pico de Loro, a remote Batangas beach resort that cozies up to the South China Sea, the bathwater warm and gentle shore. Is it the best beach ever seen by the Clark Family? Dear reader, Pico de Loro deserves serious consideration for that title.

How we got here is a long story, involving family connections and the Catholic church's great resources throughout the Republic.  But we are here, and if there is a finer beach anywhere, well -- as Golden State Warrior coach Mark Jackson says: "Call my bluff."

Such is its beauty, one is reminded of Marc Antony's great line to Cleopatra: "Let Rome in Tiber melt, and the great arch of this ranged empire fall. Here is my place."

 Daddy, standing in the South China Sea.

Upon looking at Taal Volcano for the first time

The Clarks of New Jersey finally left Manila, a crowded city of intense traffic, drove south and discovered the charms of Batangas province. 

We arrived in the town of Talisay, the ancestral home of the Gardiola clan, on the same day that matriarch Rosa De Leon Gardiola celebrated her 80th birthday. A large catered event is planned for Saturday (it's Thursday morning as I type), so more on that later.

Among the other early highlights in Talisay were a stroll to the water-front market, where the entire town buys fruit and vegetables, fish and meats. (No Walmart here. The largest grocery store is the size of a small bedroom.)  Beng-Beng's husband Bart cooked up some locally grown Tillapia for breakfast, and everyone laughed when I declared it "masarap" -- a routine that never seems to get old among native speakers of Tagalog. We also enjoyed a ride in a "tricycle," the misleading name for a sidecar motorcycle taxi. And we spent $16 per head to enjoy a beautiful swimming pool at Talisay's resort of Balai Isabel. We had the entire pool to ourselves, and then we got most of our money back, because of the wash out. 

"Inay" has discouraged all portrait photography up to this point, but this blog has acquired a fantastic picture of the two Clark ladies staring off at the largest active volcano in the Philippines. It's called Taal, two syllables. Shortly after this photo was taken, Neptune shook his gory locks in our direction with 60 mile-per-hour winds. Then, as in any one of a number of Joseph Conrad novels, the mini-typhoon was gone as quickly as it came. 

Caption: Margie, left, and Natalie, with eagle eyes stare at Taal volcano.

In the Footsteps of Magellan

The Clarks of New Jersey are about to embark and an incredible journey to the other side of the world, to the land where Ferdinand Magellan gained immortality, but lost his life.

Natalie and Theo on their way to Manila, 

via Dubai.

Our trip won't be quite that exciting, but look at these faces, gentle reader. Natalie, 8, and Theodore, 11, are about to spend 24 hours or so up in the air on a United Arab Emirates based Emirates Air jumbo jet. Look closely, and you'll see the high-tech seat back video monitors and television screens that one comes to expect from an oil-rich nation governed by a hereditary monarchy. (I cannot say for sure, but it's my understanding that the TVs broadcast only two channels: the Al Jazeera network; and a continuous loop of Rambo III.)

On Monday night, the entire family will meet again in Manila at the charming Hotel H20, which according to the brochure, "draws its inspiration from water, the elixer of life." I suspect they serve beer in the bar, but again, I cannot say for sure.

That which we call a Rose

Natalie Rose Clark, 7

Recently, Natalie was assigned to write an essay for her second grade class. The topic: how her name came to be "Natalie Rose."

The degree of difficulty connected with the assignment was sky high, largely because not even her parents knew how Natalie received her name. It just kind of happened. Still, she interviewed her mom and dad dutifully. When the answers were unacceptable, such as "it just sounded good," she dug a little deeper, or as you'll see by the excerpts below, she turned to her imagination to fill in the blanks.

• "This is my very own story of how Natalie became my name." (Setting the stage, she's off to a good start.)

• "Suddenly, 'Natalie' popped up in their heads like daises popping up on a spring morning." (Did this actually happen? Let us give our young author the benefit of the doubt.)

• "My middle name Rose, means flower, as simple as that, flower! I like that because I like to keep things simple and not complicated." (Insightful commentary for such a little girl.)

• "To me Natalie means author and poet because that is what I am. Natalie is the only name that can describe me perfectly." (Sigh.)

P.S. Almost two years have passed since our last entry in the Clarks of New Jersey blog. After wasting countless hours on other social media, the editors have decided to resurrect the tradition and speak more intimately to our most important readers.

Also, Happy Anniversary Mimi and Poppy!

Natalie's Haircut

Caption: Kara, left, and the new-look Natalie.

Little Natalie's hair was a topic of debate during her recent weekend with Mimi and Poppy. Mimi took the view that it was in need of gardening and cultivation. Natalie opposed, forcefully, suggesting that the natural look was worthy of respect and development, all the way to her waist.

(Natalie wanted to send a letter to Mimi to thank her for her generosity, but she didn't know the "Zip lock.")

The hair argument ran to a successful conclusion during a recent playdate with Natalie's lifelong friend Kara. The event brought our little Natalie into the home of Kara's grandmother, a respected professional hair dresser who operates from her basement. Natalie sat in the big chair, and the operation commence.

On her new hair style, Natalie said: "I like it because I like it."

Don't you miss you're long hair?

"Yes. I mean no. It was annoying because it kept getting my neck sweaty, every day. Even inside."

A weekend in Milford, Pa.

Theodore learns to train a dragon.

The Clarks of New Jersey enjoyed a wonderful weekend in the Poconos with Grandma and Grandpa -- a.k.a., Mimi and Poppy.

Among the highlights were a flashlight-aided late night (7:15 p.m.) romp around the arbors and terrain of the Moon Valley Falls Estate -- common pleasures to walk abroad and recreate! At night time, Theo comfortably nestled into his bed in the basement with one of his new books purchased at Costco. It's about dragons, or something.

Natalie enjoyed reading, painting and watching television -- Mimi has so many channels! Her comment: "I haven't decided what I want to be when I grow up: an artist or an author."

Mimi and Poppy were generous hosts, and the men enjoyed watching a young "Canelo" Alvarez dismantle his senior welterweight opponent on HBO.

Christmas at the Clarks

caption: You two are like a couple of kids at Christmas. Literally.

A few observations while they are still fresh.

• Christmas is a beloved holiday for all age groups, but none takes it more seriously or joyously than the 5-8 year old set. This means the 2010 Clark Family Christmas is one for the books -- with family reunion in Skillman, N.J., still to come!

• Children ages 5 to 8 can't wait until Dec. 25th. It is best to let them open presents a little bit at a time, a discovery made by K. Warner Clark in the mid 1970s. Just as geothermal tremors help prevent massive earthquakes, so do the release of gifts prevent melt downs on Christmas day. It's 10:16 a.m. -- zero melt downs.

• Theodore was up at 6:50 a.m., opening his Beyblades presents. Did you get anything really cool, Theo? "Yeah, everything," he said. That made Daddy's day.

• Natalie was in the habit of wrapping little objects around the house. On Christmas morning, she made great sport of distributing them to their rightful owners. Daddy opened a miniature Empire State Building, that he bought in 1997, and also an Tagalog-English dictionary.

• Let us not forget the reason for the season! The children watched -- as a special Christmas Eve treat -- the Simpson's Christmas last night at 7 p.m. on Fox. I close with a quote from Bart: "Christmas is the time of year when people of all religions come together and worship Jesus Christ."

• Daddy and Mommy didn't even exchange gifts. What more could we want, really? "Best Christmas ever?" Daddy asked Mommy in the living room with wrapping paper strewn about. Her answer: "Best Christmas ever."

Keeping score at home

On a Saturday morning in the newly designed and furnished back room -- we call it "The Office" -- Natalie her mother and father are watching tenth-ranked Kentucky play North Carolina on the new flat screen Sony. Daddy is in heaven. What can be better than this? His favorite girls are watching a great game come down to the wire, and the picture is so clear that you can look into the bleachers and see who has their wallets in their front pockets.

Daddy notices little 5-year-old Natalie is writing in her notebook. Across the top in big letters, she wrote: "Basketball." Beneath that, she is tracking the score of the game! "65-63, 2 points. 65-65, tied. 65-67, 2 points."

Her stat sheet continues along those lines until Kentucky misses a desperation shot at the buzzer. "73-75, 2 points," she concludes, with a picture of a big basketball at the bottom. (The left margin appeared to be an aborted column intended to track 1-point leads. )

Earlier in the week, a language arts specialist from Metuchen Public Schools reported that Natalie is reading at a sixth grade level. We were proud of our little girl. But her statistical analysis of the UNC UK game took that pride to a new level.

Natalie goes to school

Daddy loves walking little Natalie to school, because she is well-rested, well-fed and brimming with lessons learned. Here is what she told me on our last walk:

"The United States of America is a boiling pot!"

Or is it a melting pot?

"Oh, right. It's a melting pot."

At the entrance to the school, we pause, we hug and she runs in with the other little children of Metuchen, melting away together into a cute little class.

Recently, we left school while another little girl was holding hands with her mother. They engaged us in conversation, but Natalie wasn't interested in chit-chat pleasantries. She stared at the ground, like our shy little girl. I found out the little girl's name is Summer, and she's in Natalie's class. Apparently, Natalie had written Summer a note, which was well received.

I looked at Natalie's face for confirmation. Head down. No expression.

But as soon as little Summer and her guardian disappeared around the corner of the school, Natalie turned excited and blurted: "Daddy, can we have Summer over to our house?!" Then her little mind scanned ahead and entered detail-oriented-planning mode: "We'll ask Mommy how long she can stay."

Later, Natalie writes me a note. "Dear Daddy, You are very nice to me. So draw me a picture any time. Or if you like, I can draw you a picture."

There is a picture at the bottom of her note. Three figures labeled "You," "me" and "Summer."

Natalie's thirst for knowledge

caption: Natalie and friend in downtown Philadelphia.

When the Metuchen library called Mommy and explained that Theo and Natalie won prizes in the raffle drawing, the kids were thrilled. Theodore won a meal at Macaroni Grill, and Natalie won a choice of children's reference books.

She picked "First Encyclopedia" and she has been researching ever since.

By research, I mean she reads a passage and copies it into her notebook. For instance: "Rules of the Rain Forest: 1.) Leave the jungle exatly (sic) the way you found it! Don't take rocks" etc.

Later, Mommy found the following written note:

Natalie's Rules

1. Use words nicely

2. Be nice to mom and Dad

3. Play with friends

4. Do not step on sticks.

This last principle (no. 4) must have been considered questionable or controversial, because it was crossed out and erased partially.

Natalie's research includes astronomy and zoology.

When one of her little friends came to visit, Natalie shouted: "Would you like to see my research?!"

I didn't see how her friend responded, but her enthusiasm must have been very high, for who wouldn't jump at the chance to see little Natalie's research?

Tennis time in Metuchen

Our little Theodore discovered tennis in the summer of 2010. The principles of fair play, friendly competition and graceful technique were ingrained in the young lad by a handful of Metuchen teenager tennis phenoms. The boys did a great job of showing up on time and making all the children feel comfortable.

Tennis lessons, which ran for two weeks from 8:30 a.m. to 9:30 a.m., served as a very nice bonding experience for Theo and his dad. Every morning, the two would ride their bikes together through the shortcuts of old Metuchen and arrive at the park right on time. We'd hang out for a couple of minutes until a teenager would silently wave Theo inside the fence.

Dad would watch for a few minutes of basic instruction, then ride off to work, knowing that Miss Margie and her rolling day care would soon arrive to escort Theo home. It was a nice way to start the day.

Happy Birthday to Rosalie Joyce!

Caption: Mimi, center, motivates everyone -- even Mr. and Mrs. Z, at right.

Here's what little Natalie said in the car over the long weekend: "I miss Mimi."

It came out of nowhere, so we all laughed a little. But it's no laughing matter -- we all love Mimi, and we all can't wait to see her again. And today is the seventh day of the seventh month, so we celebrate Rosalie Joyce's birthday.

Happy Birthday Mimi! The Clarks of New Jersey salute you.

Soon, Mimi will travel with Theo, Michael, Madeline and the Goose to Denver. Oh Great Happiness! Wish we could all go to see Dan, Tedra, Aaron and Elena, the Clarks of Colorado.

Saturday at the beach

Summer days spent enjoying the sights, sounds and smells of Point Pleasant Beach, N.J., have been a part of the Clarks of New Jersey lifestyle since as long as the author can remember -- at least back to 1975.
On July 3, the Clarks returned to the modern marvel of the shore -- the jewell of the Atlantic -- Jenkinson's Boardwalk.
The Nemo ride attracted Natalie. Here's what she said: "I'm not afraid of this ride any more." Check out her enjoyment in this video.
And here's to Aunt Helen. She recently sold her corner parking lot, but she continues to welcome us in her backyard, free of charge. Aunt Helen, the Clarks of New Jersey salute you! And if you ever need to park in Metuchen, we're here for you!

Second grade graduate

This morning at about 9 a.m., my little Theodore is slumped in the living room comfy chair, his legs hanging over one chair arm, his armpit hugging the other. In his hands, some type of Pokemon reference directory, which he is studying quietly.

He appears to be copying the posture and attitude of a teenager. Here he is on his first day of summer break between the second and third grade,

On the carpet, little Danielle and even littler Nathan, two of the star pupils of Miss Margie's Metuchen Day Care, are rolling around the floor. Now they're showing off their dance moves. Silly little lovable children. Theo must appear a giant to these babies!

But when I see him in his Campbell School pictures, he appears so young again, the smallest boy in the class, in need of protection and encouragement. See for yourself what I mean. Look at him here in Mrs. Valera's class on tie-dyed shirt day. How different from the picture of the boy spread out on the living room chair.

Happy Birthday, Theodore

Our little Theodore is turning eight years old this weekend.
Our little Theo will be eight.
It's the most natural thing in the world, isn't it? He was born about eight years ago, and now he'll turn eight. If you look at it that way, it makes sense.
Early this morning, Dad walked into his room. Theo was wearing tiny little short shorts and a pajama T-shirt and was talking calmly to his mother.
"What are you talking about?" Dad asked.
"Theo is turning eight this weekend," said Mom, and Theo looked up at his dad and just smiled. At that moment, I saw a change in him. He was a real boy now. Before, he was just a little boy.
Skinny kid. So well-behaved. At a friend's birthday party when he was six, an adult told all the children to sit down on the grass. Of course, all the kids ran off in all directions, grabbing for toys and for candy. Except Theo. He was sitting down on the grass, awaiting further instructions. Sometimes he is so sweet and trusting, it makes a parent worry. Sensitive. Shy. Artistic. Little explorer of the Club Penguin, and a Pokemon expert.
And now, and eight year old.

Natalie in New York

Caption: The Princess of Central Park

When little Natalie woke up on Monday, April 12, she told her mother: "Today is not a normal day for me."
No, little girl. Today is a very special day. You are going to New York City with Daddy.
And what a day it was. Mr. Sun smiled down on all the busy New Yorkers from the Battery to the Bronx. First stop: Toys R Us Times Square, where we rode a Ferris Wheel and bought a $6 fairy doll. Natalie looked bored on the ride, but her nervous system was humming with electricity during the purchase process. (We also bought Theo a $9 Iron Man toy, and he literally jumped up and down and shouted "goody-goody," upon receipt.)
Several of Daddy's office mates at 425 Park Avenue submitted the views that Natalie was "very cute," or "much changed." These motions were gallantly seconded by her father, who made sinister mental notes about those who were silent on the matter.
In Central Park, the zoo was a hit, except for the temperature in the Rain Forest exhibit. And at the Midtown Restaurant, here's what our waitress said to us: "What'll it be, Sweetie?"
A busy day indeed! Natalie fell fast asleep on the train coming home.